Feeling lost and confused?
As a Homeopath I speak to lots of people and what I hear is that people are feeling lost and confused and they don’t know what’s wrong. What people are experiencing is something they can’t identify.
When we are feeling lost and confused, most people are defining it as stress or anxiety. For some this is true; we have lived through exceptional times. Many people are feeling exhausted and debilitated and there is an indefinable something that they can’t figure out.
What I believe is that the indefinable thing is loss and we have experienced loss in so many ways. I am writing about this because perhaps we do not recognise it as loss because we are all in the same boat and that theres is always someone worse off than ourselves.
The word loss is strongly associated with grief and bereavement and it is of course an expression of bereavement. However, loss comes in many forms. Take some time to think back over the pandemic…what have you lost?
Things we have lost include:
Freedom to go where we want when we want
Time with family and friends
Many special occasions that can’t be repeated: such as births, first days at nursery, school, universityand work. Then there are the lost celebrations like Engagements, Weddings and Special family events
Connections and Time
Although many community connections have strengthened, some connections have not been sustained. Some friendships have not survived as some people have changed during the pandemic. Many people became very insular and didn’t reach out as they may have done before. Time – we will never get this time back to live again.
The ability to grieve
The ability to grieve. Anyone who experienced bereavement during the pandemic was deprived of the opportunity to go through the normal grieving processes due to the imposed restrictions. This further compounds the sense of loss and makes recovery much harder.
All of the above and much more come under the banner of loss and I believe it is important that we acknowledge that as we move forward. Carrying unacknowledged loss and grief is not good for our health.
The signs that you may be experiencing this kind of loss
- Sleep seems impossible you just toss and turn
- Nothing delights you. You don’t respond to anything
- Irritation sets in at the slightest thing
- Bursts of anger are directed at anyone or small issues
- You cry at the drop of a hat or You don’t cry at all
- Exhaustion becomes a way of life
- Lots of annoying health issues appear
- A project absorbs you to the exclusion of all else – it allows to avoid what is really going on
- Your moods are changeable and unpredictable
- Those around complain they don’t know who you are – you don’t react as you would normally
Grief and loss are complicated emotions which is why we can be feeling lost and confused. For some of us, these losses will be the first we experience and if you are in this position you will feel lost and confused. I have had a lot of personal experience of these emotions and I have helped many people through their journey of grief and loss. This is why I wanted to share my knowledge and help you understand that grief is not a linear process; it goes in stages which I have detailed below:
Stages of grief
Bargaining – I will do xxx to make it go away
- Anger – why has this happened? Why are people not feeling like I do? How can they go on with life as if nothing has happened?
- Denial – it hasn’t happened, I don’t accept it, I don’t believe it
- Depression – numbness, sadness, withdrawal
- Acceptance – I am at peace with what has happened
To complicate things you can go through these stages more than once and in no particular order. Some will go straight to denial then anger and move through bargaining before reaching acceptance. Others will be initially accepting, then find their anger rises or they become depressed. Each journey is different and this is why I am explaining why you might be feeling lost and confused.
Another view of grief
When you experience loss, your world feels like a big black hole. This black hole may be encased in a white circle but it is much smaller than the black hole.
As you recover, the black hole gets smaller and the white area expands. Grief and loss leave their mark and by integrating them into ourselves we can move forward positively
What I can tell you is
YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT
- Each journey is different and individual, even for the same person experiencing two different situations
- There is no defined period
- Emotions will be like riding a rollercoaster, you may experience different stages of the grieving process more than once. It is not a linear process.
- It is best to address your emotions rather than ignoring them. I have treated people who have held their losses inside for many years, that burden affected their whole life. Treatment released them and allowed them to live freely and happily.
What you can do for yourself
- Recognise that you are feeling the way you do
- Tell someone – this is a vital first step and relieves you of some of your burden
- Keep an achievement log. When you are struggling to get through the day having a list of what you have achieved during the day can really help. I mean doing the washing, cooking a meal, going for a walk. I suggest this because even achieving a normal task feels really good when getting up and staying up all day is an effort. Grief is exhausting.
Practice good self-care.
When we feel lost and confused we don’t look after ourselves, we eat junk food, we lay in bed and can’t be bothered to get up. We do not exercise or drink enough water and we hide away from the world nursing our pain. We are uninspired and have no desire to be creative or do something new; so many times doing something creative has given me the space to see a new way and my subconscious identifies areas that need to be addressed.
I do not suggest ignoring your feelings; it is important to acknowledge them and express them and I strongly recommend that you get some help because emotions can be overwhelming. Talking to someone not involved in your situation can be such a relief because you don’t feel you are burdening them as you might with others sharing your pain.
Doing new things and going to different places can be so helpful. This is advice I have given to many people and they all confirm that “ringing the changes” takes you away from your feelings because you are not exposed to constant reminders of what has been.
Some new things to try
Why not create a gratitude book. When you start you may struggle to write anything, we all do but even if you start with “I woke up today” I promise you over time you will find more to write and then in a few weeks you will be able to look back and see how far you have come
Deep breathing is so useful in times of stress, even if you just do ten deep breaths it can make such a difference. Once you get the hang of that why not try some meditation; it is an excellent way to calm your thoughts and has many health benefits too
My intention with this blog was to give you an explanation for feelings that perhaps you didn’t understand- you knew you were feeling out of sorts but you didn’t know why. Alternatively, you knew why you feel as you do you just didn’t know how to handle it. I hope this blog has helped you to see there is hope and that you get the support and help you need. If you think I am the person to help please contact me and we will discuss how to start your journey to recovery.